Finals Week: A Musical Adventure (Videos and Other Magic Inside)

Today, I shall tell the story of reading and finals weeks through music videos. Bear with me, and prepare to go on a magical auditory journey. If you’re no fun, you can skip to the bottom and get a link to the Spotify playlist. Please note that this post may be a bit hyperbolic, so don’t take the song descriptions literally. Again, this is a parody. Finals week isn’t this crazy, but it sometimes seems like it. Enjoy the music!


Friday, December 5th – “Hella Good” by No Doubt. Classes ended today, and life is good. You throw your backpack in your room and forget about it.

Saturday, December 6th – “I Love College” by Asher Roth. You’re living the life. No work gets done.

Sunday, December 7th, afternoon – “All Kinds of Time” by Fountains of Wayne. You’ve slept in, had a nice leisurely day, and are in no rush to begin studying.

Sunday, December 7th, night – “Time to Pretend” by MGMT. You get out your books, look at them, and decide that you’d be better off going to sleep to rest up for tomorrow.

Monday, December 8th, Morning – “Rocky Theme” by Gonna Fly Now. Today is the first day of reading week. You wake up extra early, grab a quick breakfast, and march to the library.

Monday, December 8th, morning – “Hold On, We’re Going Home” by Drake. You realize that you left all your books in your dorm and head back to pick them up.

Monday, December 8th, afternoon – “I Can” by Nas. Inspired, you lay out your studying plan for the day, and begin reviewing your notes for your first exam. You stay up late studying.

Tuesday, December 9th, morning – “Airplanes” by B.oB. You realize that yesterday’s studying was only about 5% of what you need to do for the week, and wish you could’ve studied faster.

 Tuesday, December 9th, Afternoon – “The Climb” by Miley Cyrus. You power through your notes and flashcards to prep for your exam on Thursday, feeling incredibly productive.

Tuesday, December 9th, 8pm – “No Sleep ‘Till Brooklyn” by The Beastie Boys. You decide to take a break for Thursday’s exam, look at your agenda book, and realize that your essay is due tomorrow, not Friday. You grab a coffee, hole up in the library, and start thinking of  a thesis.

Tuesday, December 9th, 10 P.M. – “I am the Walrus” by The Beatles. You’re not sure you believe it is a real thing, but you go with your friends to Midnight Breakfast and get free, unlimited breakfast food. But it’s the middle of the night, what is this madness? You accept this impossibility as finals week magic, stuff your face and then get back to the essay.

Wednesday, December 10th, 3 A.M. – “Wednesday Morning, 3 A.M.” by Simon & Garfunkel. You finish the first draft of your essay, cry a little bit, and begin revising.

Wednesday, December 10th, 5 A.M. – “5 O’Clock” by T-Pain, Wiz Khalifa, and Lily Allen. You print out your essay, feeling invigorated. You call up your friends to see if anyone wants to hang out to celebrate. When no one answers, you realize it is five in the morning. Suddenly you feel tired. You fall asleep in a pile of drool on the third floor of the library.

Wednesday, December 10th, 11 A.M. – “Numb” by Linkin Park. You’re woken up by your best friend drawing on your face with a sharpie. You look up to see that your paper has turned into a drool towel. You reprint the paper and go turn it in before it is due at noon. You then retreat to the B Stacks of the library to nap until your Professor’s office hours begin at 2pm. His exam is tomorrow.

 Wednesday, December 10th, 1:45pm – “Hot for Teacher” by Van Halen. Realizing that you still don’t understand half of the material for tomorrow’s exam, you go to your professor, deciding that you two are going to become best friends. You spend two hours in their office, asking questions that are a lot more intelligent than you’d expected.

Wednesday, December 10th, 4:30pm – “It’s All Coming Back to Me Now” by Meatloaf. The material is starting to click. You keep studying and working on an old practice exam.

Wednesday, December 10th, 7pm – “On the Road Again” by Willie Nelson. You realize that changing study spots would make you more productive. You move to the law library, but it doesn’t feel right, so you walk to Bauer Hall. There are no tables in Bauer. you move to Seigle, but the ambiance isn’t right. You hike to the architecture library but aren’t getting a good vibe there. In a flash of inspiration, you realize that the DUC formal lounge is the place to be. You go there but it is packed. You give up and walk back to your dorm to study in your room.

Wednesday, December 10th, 10pm – “The Show Goes On” by Lupe Fiasco. You need to de-stress from all the study spot struggles, so you put on Netflix to watch an episode of Breaking Bad. You watch seven episodes of Breaking Bad and fall asleep.

Thursday, December 11th, 11am – “Don’t Stop Believin'”  by Journey. You grind out studying before the exam starts.

Thursday, December 11th, 12:45pm – “Almost” by Bowling for Soup. You’ve still got three pages to look over but its time to go to the exam.

Thursday, December 11th, 1:10pm – “Don’t Stop Me Now” by Queen. All the questions on the test are over the exact things you’d reviewed. You finish early.

Thursday December 11th, 2:30pm – “The Man” by Aloe Blacc. You triumphantly return to your dorm and think about how you’ll study for your next exams.

Thursday, December 11th, 3pm – “Dirty Laundry” by Kelly Rowland. You’ve got three finals next week. You decide that it would be a good idea to wash all of your clothes, even though most of them are clean. Just in case they might have started to get musty in your closet, of course. You spend the rest of the day doing laundry and cleaning your room.

Friday, December 12th, 10am – “”Till I Collapse” by Eminem. You lay out an intricate study plan for next week’s exams. One is on Monday, and two are on Tuesday. You start working.

Friday, December 12th, 7pm – “Another Brick in the Wall” by Pink Floyd. You decide that you’re done being oppressed by your evil professors and run out of the library screaming “Freedom! Freedom!”

Sunday, December 14th, 3pm – “Under Pressure” by Queen, David Bowie. It’s go time. 24 hours until your next exam. You make your roommate lock hide your phone. You get a website blocker and block Facebook, Tumblr, Twitter, and Buzzfeed. You trek to the basement of Seigle Hall and lock yourself in a classroom with a 17 pound bag of Oreos. You alternate sleeping, eating, and studying until the exam.

Monday, December 15th, 3pm – “All Me” by Drake, 2 Chainz, Big Sean. You demolish your test and celebrate by returning to your study cave and eating Oreos, 4 at a time.

Monday, December 15th, 5pm – “Eye of the Tiger” by Survivor. In an Oreo-induced sugar frenzy, surrounded by crumbs and crumpled up papers, you furiously scribble equations on the chalkboards in your classroom in Seigle.

Monday, December 15th, 11pm – “No Sleep” by Wiz Khalifa. It’s going to be another one of those nights. You eat another Oreo to comfort yourself and get back to work.

Tuesday, December 16th, 2am – “Work” by Iggy Azalea. You’re feeling good and starting to believe that you might, in fact, know everything for tomorrow’s exams.

Tuesday, December 16th, 4am – “Livin’ on a Prayer” by Bon Jovi. You realize that you’d forgotten to study the last chapter your teacher assigned you; you hadn’t thought it would be on the exam, but it will be.

Tuesday, December 16th, 6:31am – “No More Tears” by Ozzy Osbourne. You run out of Oreos and have a nervous breakdown. You cry hysterically but aren’t really sure why, and then you remember that it is because you have an exam in less than 5 hours that you’re not sure you’re ready for.

Tuesday, December 16th, 10am – “The Final Countdown” by Europe. One hour until game time. You look over all of your notes as fast as you can, mumbling mnemonic devices to yourself. Finally you rise from your den of Oreo destruction and begin the short walk to your exam room.

Tuesday, December 16th, 10:58am  – “I Love it” by Icona Pop. At this point, you don’t really care anymore. You enter the exam room and wait for the test to begin.

Tuesday, December 16th, 1pm – “Let it Go” by Idina Menzel. The test was pretty hard, but the past is in the past. You head to your next exam.

Tuesday, December 16th, 3pm – “Defying Gravity” by Idina Menzel and Kristin Chenoweth. You get into the last exam. It isn’t that bad. You’re actually going to do well.

Tuesday, December 16th, 5pm – “School’s Out” by Alice Cooper. You finish your exam, walk out of the building, and fall asleep for the next 15 hours before heading home for winter break.


That ends our journey, dear readers. I hope everyone enjoyed it. Please remember that this is satire and not really how finals week is. I definitely can’t eat 17 pounds of Oreos.

Here’s the link to the Spotify playlist. You may notice that the Beatles song isn’t on there. My apologies. I’ve been emailing Paul McCartney to get him on Spotify, but he hasn’t budged on me.